You know, like many of you, I am getting older day by day. Various bodily systems are beginning to shut down. My cholesterol is on the rise, I can never remember where I put this or that, and I am wrinkling up like a freaking sun-dried tomato. However, none of that bothers me as much as how damn crotchety I have become. I have no tolerance for anyone who disagrees with me. I used to be so open-minded, so accepting. Now, it drives me crazy that my friend Carrie doesn't like salt and vinegar potato chips. I actually think less of her because of it. Our friendship hangs by a thread.
Anyway, the latest group of people who are dead to me are vegans. I recently attended a workplace communication seminar that was held at Bastyr University near Seattle. For those of you who haven't heard of Bastyr, it's a school for naturopathic medicine, acupuncture, nutrition, herbology, potions, defense against the dark arts, etc. It is supposedly one of the country's most prestigious naturopathic schools. That's great and everything, but I had lunch in their cafeteria yesterday, and everything was either vegan or vegetarian. And as I was sitting there eating my vegan burrito (whole wheat tortilla, carrots, pinto beans, quinoa) and gagging after every bite, a rage started to boil up from somewhere deep inside me. "What is with these people? What exactly do they have against flavor and deliciousness? Why can't they recognize that what this burrito needs is some nice marinated pork?" And also, "Why are they forcing their meatless agenda on me?" There are almost always vegetarian options at any restaurant or cafeteria you go to. Why can't they have at least one or two options for us omnivores out here? All I'm asking for is just a little chicken salad or something! Is that so awful?
One of the best books I have ever read is called Fork It Over, by Alan Richman. He is a food writer for GQ magazine, and the book is a collection of some of his finest articles. In the chapter "My Beef with Vegans," he talks about one of his editors, a hardcore vegan, who tried to evangelize him by sending him some literature on the subject, including a pamphlet entitled "101 Reasons Why I'm a Vegetarian." Richman says:
It was indeed informative. I learned that the combined weight of all the cattle on earth is greater than the combined weight of the entire human population. The solution, as I see it, is to eat more cows.
Preach on, my brother.
5 comments:
Randi a few things...
1- I don't like Carrie either now...who doesn't like salt and vinegar chips?
2- If I ever make a lot of money we will send every Vegan we know a nice piece of marinated pork.
3- Do you remember the Wendy's commercials with the "Where's the Beef?" lady? Was that Eunice? Anyway, I agree eat more cows. Let's make T-shirts that say....Save the Cows....for dinner!
Love you!
With a bun in the oven, your post made me hungry for a nice juicy steak to go with it. It's too bad it's Sunday night at 10:00 or I may have had to go find me one!
what's quinoa, anyway? This is the third reference to quinoa I've read this week. Sounds like the name of a town in Kansas, rather than the wholesome grain that I think it is. I am quinoa-ignorant, and yet my life still feels so complete with all my ham sandwiches, sweet-n-sour chickens, and raspberry yogurts.
This spring, my little brother and I celebrated "Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA day" (March 15). It was fantastic. We had fish, chicken, pork, and beef. And butter, eggs, milk, and cheese. And we cooked everything in bacon fat. It was a happy day.
PS - My brother put up a page about our special day on facebook.
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