Rex: "Eighty-four? I probably won't make it any more than 10, maybe 15 years!"
"That was a wonderful poop."
Me: "Dad, why didn't you eat your sandwich?"
Rex: "Maybe it was gross. Did you ever consider that?"
After a conversation about me finding a husband, Rex says, "Maybe you'll have a better shot at it in the next life."
At the conclusion of another conversation about me finding a husband, Rex says, "You need to find a mate."
"Rex, I'm afraid that well has run dry."
"Oh, no. There's one more bucket."
After I return from shopping, Rex asks, "Did you find anything you like?"
"No, I'm too fat for that store."
"Oh, no, you're just right."
At a restaurant:
Rex: "What kind of pie are we going to have?"
Me: "You get a free cookie with your meal."
Rex: "Yeah. I'll save the cookie. Now what kind of pie are we going to have?"
(I then order the pie.)
Rex: "Are you having pie?"
Me: "Yes, we're going to share it."
Rex: "You're kidding… that's ok… we'll make up for it later."
Rex tells me I need to move to (middle of nowhere) Ritzville, WA...
… and start a beaver farm. For fur coats. I tell Rex absolutely not, but he tells me that I'd be "the talk of the county" and that Heavenly Father put the idea in his head. He tried to persuade me for about 3 solid hours.
After reading about the destruction of the Nephites in the Book of Mormon, Rex says, "Wow. He [Heavenly Father] really burned their tail feathers, didn't He?"
"I'll love you forever if you make me some treats. I'll love you anyway, but it would kind of help the process along."
"A little snack would really spark up the day."
After church, Rex says, "The ladies sure had a hard time leaving me alone today, didn't they?"
Rex: "Have you got any treats?"
Rex: "A fellow needs a little nourishment now and then!"
Waking out of a deep sleep and still groggy, Rex exclaims, "We haven't eaten in two days!"
Rex: "You got any small treats for us?"
Me: "No. I'm sorry, Rex."
Rex: "Yeah, me too."
Rex: "Do we have any more of those potato chips?"
Me: "Yes, but if you eat them, there won't be any left for tomorrow."
Rex: "Let's let tomorrow take care of tomorrow."
Rex: "Do we have any cookies?"
Me: "Dad, you just had some ice cream at Costco!"
Rex: "So what?"
Me: "Dad, we don't have any cookies."
Rex: "Then what the hell were we doing at Costco?"
"Randi, what are you doing?"
"Clearing off the table so you can have breakfast."
"Can I have a little crust of bread?"
Rex: "What time is it?"
Rex: "12:20! We must have missed a meal!"
Rex: "Can we have some coffee?" [He means hot chocolate.]
Me: "Rex, you've already had two cups of coffee, plus chocolate milk and cookies. That's way too much sugar. We've got to cut it out."
Rex: "Yeah. Alright. Tomorrow."