Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Got Treats?

My dad drives me crazy. Like tonight, when he asked me to take out his hearing aids and then ten minutes later complained, "Why can't I hear the TV?" Or when it's 91 degrees outside, but he tells me to turn up the heat because he's freezing to death. Other times, however, he cracks me up. I've started writing down my favorite moments, and I thought I'd share a few of them with you. See if you notice a theme.

Me: Darn! I forgot to drop something off at the Goodwill.
Rex: It wasn't me, was it?

Rex says: "I need an ice cream cone to calm my nerves."

Rex offers the bedtime prayer and starts off: "Dear Heavenly Father, I'm sorry I'm such a nerd."

After I help Rex into bed and shut off the light, he asks: "I guess we don't get no more cookies tonight, huh?"

Rex and I visit my best friend Rebecca and her five active kids. He asks her, "Is it all you dreamed it would be, Rebecca?"

Rex: You got any treats?
Me: Dad, you just had six cookies!
Rex: That was hours ago! [More like 15 minutes]

Me: You don't want to die, dad. There aren't any treats in the spirit world.
Rex: Hmm. Better not go, then.

Rex offers an explanation as to why I'm not married yet: "Maybe you need to change your toothpaste."

Rex: You think I'm going to die?
Me: One day. Probably not today, though.
Rex: Hmm... [thinks for a minute] Can we go out to lunch, then?

"Do you think Heavenly Father will slam me in the clink?"

Rex: Can I have an ice cream cone?
Me: You just had some cookies!
Rex: Yeah, and now I want an ice cream cone!

Rex: Take a look at my hands. See what's wrong with them.
Me: Dad, there's nothing wrong with your hands.
Rex: How about my mouth?
Me: Dad, your mouth is fine.
Rex: How about puttin' some food in it?

Rex: Do we have any more cookies?
Me: No, that was the last one.
Rex: Do we have anything that looks like a cookie?

Rex: We got any treats?
Me: Sorry, Rex.
Rex: I feel like Joseph Smith--like I'm being persecuted.

Rex: You wouldn't happen to have any more cookies, would you?
Me: Nope.
Rex: A lack of planning, I guess.

Rex: Do we have any cookies?
Me: No cookies, Rex, but here's a granola bar.
Rex: This might have very well saved my life.

Rex: We got any treats?
Me: Yeah, but I have to stick you with a needle [insulin] first.
Rex: Ow! That's not a treat!

Ahh... the man is funny. Whenever I feel the urge to choke him to death, I just read a few of these and it goes away. Can't wait to see what jokes tomorrow will bring!


Jeni said...

You and Timmy...need to be writing some books! You could write a whole book just about caring for your pops! That is good stuff!

Kam said...

Ah Rex. He's a funny guy. I especially loved him asking Rebecca, is it all you ever dreamed of?? Ha! Now you've got me craving some cookies....

Scott B. said...

I'm dying. I laughed harder with each time the man asked you for a treat or a cookie. So funny. Are you starving him or something? He needs to hang out with Zachary. It's the same exact thing all day long except he adds chocolate milk to his list of things to beg for. I love Rex and I love you that you take such good care of him. I'm positive you get some of your funniness from him.