It sucked, people. Here is my list of grievances, in no particular order:
* Indy survives an atom bomb explosion at ground zero by shutting himself in a lead-lined fridge? Now I am willing to suspend some disbelief in these movies, but come on, Spielberg. You could at least meet me half-way.
* The special effects were so much better almost 20 years ago in The Last Crusade (yikes! Has it really been 20 years?) For real, though. This is the 21st Century, and if the jerks at American Idol can hologram Elvis onstage to sing with Celine Dion, then they can freaking make a car chase through the jungle look a little more believable.
* Those stupid prairie dogs that kept popping up...were those supposed to be funny? They were so out of place. It just didn't make sense.
*So one minute they're in Peru, and the next they're sailing over Iguazu Falls, which isn't anywhere near Peru. Was it really supposed to be Iguazu, or were they trying to pass it off as some random waterfall? I was never clear on this. If it's the latter, then perhaps they should have chosen a waterfall that isn't so easily recognizable? I mean, you can't have Britney Spears appear as an extra in a movie. ("Hey, isn't that Britney Spears? and isn't that Iguazu Falls?")
*After going over said waterfall, they all miraculously survived, managed to emerge from the water at the same location, as a group, not a bump on them, and COMPLETELY DRY. Did anyone notice that? Homegirl's hair has a few misty water droplets, but that's it.
*If Daniel Day-Lewis is the best actor around, then Cate Blanchett is the best actress, yet somehow George Lucas finds a way to make her look bad. He did the same to Liam Neeson in Star Wars. It doesn't matter how great of an actor you are. You can only do so much with lines like "You fight like a young man. Quick to begin, quick to finish."
* Shia LeBeouf's character calls himself "Mutt," but his real name is Henry Jones III. And you're telling me that when he meets Henry Jones, Jr., an old acquaintance of his mother, he can't figure out that he is his father? He seems to be as surprised by this revelation as Indy is. What a moron.
*So this lost culture's greatest treasure is knowledge, which Indiana flat out tells us just in case we were too stupid to get it on our own. So then why does Cate's head explode when she asks the aliens for more knowledge? Not the greatest public service announcement for staying in school, is it?
*The ants. Disgusting and unnecessary.
The list goes on, but I think I'll leave it alone for now. Hopefully I'll have better luck next week when I "Mess with the Zohan."
7 comments:
Haven't seen it yet, but I LOVED your review. Hilarious! The photo says it well... I remember that face.
All valid points. Acknowledging that, I still liked it.
I guess I went into it with much lower expectations than you did and enjoyed it.
Also, there has to be some sort of head melting/explosion in every Indiana Jones movie. It's mandatory.
Also, this was MUCH better than Temple of Doom, aka the Indiana Jones movie I try to forget.
I didn't like it either. I was very dissapointed with it. The Last Crusade was so much better.
Aliens suck
One more thing, Karen Allen needs to cut out the botox. She used to be so cute and now she's kind of scary.
We did waste $16 seeing this movie as well, and my word, you need to be published. Gawl, Randi! You are so....GOOD at this! I would love to see the other beefs you have with this film. It is certainly one we won't be adding to the DVD collection...
My cringing actually began way back when some one told me that they were going to make another Indiana Jones movie... I remember Clearly I was walking in Fred Myers and ... well I digress.
Anyway, so I started out expecting total suckage, so was pleasantly surprised by the film,(I seldom really hate a show,) It helped that I watched it from a 'would my 'much to young to see this but probably will anyway' nephew like this?' and truth be told,that really helped.
I could add several 'issues' that I thought of, but for me (other than the, suspend belief nuke blast survival, and the waterfall madness,) it was the head exploding when looking for knowledge thing - A. it totally didn't make sence like you said -
B. Spielberg is very known for his optimistic view on aliens! (he brought us E.T. remember?) It was a big hoopla when he went all 'invasion' on us with War of the Worlds - and now, he just jumps on the band wagon with all the 'aliens make your head explode' directors out there!
I guess that the fact was it was 'aliens' all along is the biggest bother to me... Sci Fi and indyana Jones movies seems totally separate to me. Bah.
anyway, I didn't feel like I totally wasted my 8:50 (or is it 9 now...) but, I'm not exactly standing in line to watch it again.
- sorry I wrote so much... :-( I got carried away.
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