Our flight to Chicago was scheduled to leave at 6:10am last Wednesday. We arrive at the ticket counter at 5:30 and learn that we are too late to check in. Apparently, if you are checking a bag, you need to arrive 45 minutes early. “You should have checked our website,” is the surly United lady’s answer when we tell her that nowhere in our Orbitz travel info does it say that we need to be that early. We are then told that we will be waiting standby for a flight, potentially all day since all of the flights that day are heavily oversold. “That sounds RAD!” exclaims Carrie, with only a touch of sarcasm.
You know, it’s not like I haven’t flown in 50 years. I know all about the 3 oz. carry on rule. I know I have to take off my shoes before walking through security because clearly I’ve got a travel-sized armory inside my freaking FLIP FLOPS. But it seems like every time I go to the airport, there is another rule that somebody springs on me. What do you mean we’re too late to check in? The plane is still here, right? Nobody has started boarding yet, right? I’m sure the rationale is that bags need to be scanned, loaded onto a truck, shuttled out to the airplane, and all of that takes time. Yeah, well it didn’t take that long back in the olden days.
THEN they tell us we have to pay $20 if we want to check a bag. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The heinous shrew behind the counter mumbles something about rising fuel costs. TWENTY BUCKS? How long has this been going on? Isn’t that included in the freaking TICKET PRICE? Can’t you people at least HIDE the cost of that somewhere? Just lump it into the “taxes” or “airport fees” category, for crying out loud.
So then we get on board, we’re chillin’ at 37,000 feet, homegirls roll up with their beverage cart and tell us SNACKS ARE GOING TO COST US EXTRA, OH, AND WAIT: THEY DON’T ACCEPT CASH! WHO DOESN’T ACCEPT CASH? HAVE I BOARDED SATAN’S PERSONAL AIRLINE?
Remember the days when you were allowed TWO checked bags, free of charge? Remember when airlines used to give you a FREE meal? It was disgusting, but at least it was free. And on shorter flights, if they didn’t give you a meal, they at least gave you a damn bag of pretzels or peanuts or something. What happened, airline industry? Why you gotta be harshing my mellow all of a sudden?
Which brings me to the next theme of my rant: First Class.
Let us turn to the scriptures, shall we? In 2 Corinthians, chapter 8, verses 13-14 we read:
13 For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened:
14 But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality.
Yeah right.
I remember there always being a special line at the ticket counter for first class passengers. I was OK with that. I was OK with them boarding first. I was OK with them de-planing first. But lately, things have gotten out of hand. At the United gates, there is a super special red carpet that first class passengers get to walk on…Am I at the Kodak Theatre? Is this the Academy Awards? On our return flight, right when Carrie and I were about to hand the United dude our boarding passes, this first class passenger rolls up, hands the guy his boarding pass, and totally cuts us off. Wasn’t nothin’ either of us could do about it. We just had to stand there and take it.
AND do you remember back in the day, you would board the plane at the front and then have to tromp through first class to get to your seat? Now coach passengers board the plane behind the first class section, which is carefully curtained-off, so that the elite don’t have to mingle with the dregs of society.
And just when you thought things couldn’t get any more Plessy v. Ferguson…
On the way back, Carrie overheard an elderly gentleman ask a flight attendant for a pillow and a blanket. Her reply? “We don’t store those items in this section.”
THAT’S IT! I’M STARTING A REVOLUTION! WHO’S WITH ME?
6 comments:
Yeah, I think the checked baggage fees are ludicrous. I mean, is my 17-lb bag really going to impact the fuel efficiency of a jumbo jet? Don't we already pay higher ticket prices because of the higher fuel costs?
What is their next evil plan? Calculate everyone's BMI at the gate, and charge me an extra $20 bucks because I haven't lost that extra baby weight yet? I wouldn't be surprised.
My favorite experience with United Airlines was a couple of years ago when we went on a Caribbean cruise with Greg's family. While we were out of the country on our cruise, they moved our flight time up 2.5 hours, so when we got to the airport, we learned that our flight had departed before our boat even docked. Then they had the gall to tell us that we would have to PURCHASE NEW TICKETS because they had notified us of the time change. How, you ask? BY EMAIL. And they said that WE CONFIRMED THE CHANGE. When I protested that none of us had made any sort of contact with the airline regarding a schedule change, because we never would have agreed to a flight that wouldn't work for us, they said that our LACK OF RESPONSE was the consent.
Sure. We moved your flight time up 2.5 hours, shot you an email, and since we didn't hear back from you within 48 hours, we implied that you gave us tacit consent to screw you over. Nice.
So, I got out my angry voice and made them fix things. Kind of. We still had to spend the night in Houston, but I made them pay for everything. I just couldn't believe that they would think that we would be stupid enough to fall for their crap. I think the airline industry is becoming almost as evil as the insurance industry. I hope the rest of your trip was better than your flight.
That is an awesome story, Bek! I am planning to write United a letter. I don't expect anything from them, I just want them to hear some of these stories so that when they ultimately declare bankruptcy one day, they will understand why their company tanked.
I wept, literally, at this post. Partly because I've felt the pain, partly because you're so damn funny. I will gladly start and/or participate in a hate mail chain for any airline. (My friend used to state that TWA was undoubtedly responsible for all that was bad in the world. I continue to agree.)
Oh yeah-- I remembered the other day that one of my friends used to say that Delta Airlines' phone number should be 1-800(TOO)-DAMN-BAD. It seems even more appropriate these days.
United stinks, big time. I've already written my share of hate mail to them. They don't write back, to my knowledge. Which just fuels the fire, eh? Who knows, though... they might write back to you, since your rants are so very entertaining to listen to!
I do hope Chicago wasn't one mishap after another. I want to hear more details and see pictures. C'mon Rand, don't let us down. Give us the details. Did you wear your awesome pipe-cleaner hat all over the Windy City?
miss you.
Just FYI, Southwest doesn't charged for checked baggage, and I think you only have to be there 30 min prior. Don't know if there's a whole lot of Southwest flights that originate out of WA, but it'd be worth looking next time you fly (to see me, possibly??). I swear you need your own column in a newspaper. You're hilarious. And as always, I miss you.
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