Can someone please explain to me the allure of red velvet cake? I don't get it. Everywhere I turn, it's red velvet this and red velvet that. I'm freaking sick of it, and so I am calling for a nationwide boycott.
I mean, really. It has no more than a couple of tablespoons of cocoa per cake, so there's barely any chocolate flavor (which it so desperately needs). In its place is some repulsive red food coloring, which always jumps out at me from the very first bite. And it doesn't matter what kind of food coloring you use. All of them taste like FD & C Red No. 40--which is derived from coal. Mmm! Delicious!
The only thing red velvet has going for it is cream cheese icing--and it needs a strong flavor like cream cheese to cover up its unpleasant before, during, and aftertaste.
Imagine the betrayal I felt when Carrie tried to serve me a slice of the Red Death at a party she recently threw. She, and others of my so-called "friends," tried to justify the choice, saying it was, quote, "delicious." You can't fool the experts, people. My body runs on cake the way a car runs on gasoline. I recognize a low-octane baked good when I taste one.
So join with me, fellow Americans! Together we can control the market, reclaim our bakeries, and start eating delicious, all-natural, non-carcinogenic cake once again.
8 comments:
Do they even make the Red Velvet with beat juice like it is intended?
As far as "all-natural, non-carcinogenic"..do you mean Organic? As far as Organic is concerned doesn't that just mean it was grown in poo?
Oh and nice to see you post on the blog again. LOVE YOU!
Wasn't red velvet cake originally red due to the reaction between natural (not Dutch process) cocoa and vinegar/buttermilk used in the recipe? With Penzey's online, no one should use the excuse that they can't find natural cocoa. I have both kinds in my pantry as we speak.
That being said, I am not a fan of red velvet cake myself. I think the appeal stems from its history as a signature dessert at the Waldorf in NY. The same way people seem to think Waldorf Salad is so fancy. Personally, I don't think apples and mayo go together, either.
I think you would be hard pressed to find a red velvet cake made with beet juice anymore, although it certainly has been used in some traditional southern recipes. I tried baking one with some beet powder we have at the bakery--it is a gorgeous shade of dark red. Unfortunately, the color totally disappeared during the baking process. I am curious to see if beet juice would fare any better.
But I think that the red hue did mostly come from the natural cocoa/vinegar/buttermilk reaction. Nobody is satisfied with that, though. They have to take it to the next level--and the next level is disgusting.
By "all-natural" I mean ingredients that people in white coats and goggles don't have to synthesize in a lab. Ingredients like butter, milk, eggs, sugar, flour. Ingredients that are only one or two syllables long, like "poo."
I'm with you. Not a fan of Red Velvet cake. But I do have a recipe for a chocolate cake that includes real beets. It is a fantastic cake! very chocolaty and the beets add extra sweetness and moisture. I just don't ever tell anyone that there are beets in it. :)
I agree! Red velvet cake sounds alluring, even looks interesting, but tastes blah blah blah! I don't get the fuss.
@HaH -- I also have that chocolate beet cake recipe!
ok, even though you might hate me forever I am going to say there is a bakery in my town that makes fabulous red velvet cupcakes. I mostly like that frosting, because isn't that what cupcakes are about anyway??? Anywho, love the cupcake, also sure i will die from their use of food coloring someday. Oh well, it was good while i was alive!
Red velvet is gross. On a related note, how come that's the only color of velvet cake? Why not Elvis-themed black velvet cake? Or horse-themed blue velvet cake? There's a real opportunity here, R-Train.
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