I'm Back, Y'all!

Just when you all thought I was dead! Ba-BAM! I triumphantly re-emerge, like a phoenix from the holiday ashes.

It was a busy one this year, folks. However, I'd say it was our smoothest, most organized holiday season yet. The pies looked amazing, nobody misplaced any orders, nobody lost any fingers in the mixers. That's what I call a success story.

Of course, all work and no play has never been my personal life philosophy...so I tried to squeeze in a few hours here and there to keep up on the must-see movies of the season.

Let's review, shall we?

Men Who Stare at Goats



Worst movie I've ever seen. The longest two hours of my life. I prayed for death to release me from the hell I'd stumbled into. Trust me. You don't want to see this movie. Even if you're in the middle of a 16 hour flight and the only entertainment is a showing of Men Who Stare at Goats. Don't do it. So boring. So NOT funny. And you know what I've decided? I don't care much for George Clooney. I think he's totally overrated. It's disgusting to me that he has an Oscar and Johnny Depp doesn't.

New Moon



Yeah, I saw it! Don't even try to make me feel guilty about it, 'cause if lovin' Edward is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

However, loving Jacob IS wrong, and I need to talk to a psychiatrist about my inappropriate feelings for one underage Taylor Lautner.



Hey, just out of curiosity...anybody know which state has the most lenient statutory rape laws?

When I see photos like that, I have to force myself to think of Taylor from his Sharkboy and Lavagirl days:



Phew! Felony averted.

Nine



This movie totally bummed me out, because I KNEW I was going to love it. Daniel Day Lewis? Are you kidding me? The man is a genius and I will personally kill anyone who says he's not. I also love me some Judi Dench, some Penelope Cruz, some Marion Cotillard...how many Oscar winners can we cram into one movie? And, as expected, their acting was great. However, none of these people can sing, which in this case turns out to be rather unfortunate because the movie is a MUSICAL. Somebody should have told the casting director.

And as far as the story goes, I thought it was freaking unbearable. I didn't give a damn about any of the characters. In fact, I kept hoping that Daniel Day Lewis's character would end up dead in a gutter somewhere, lying in a pool of his own vomit and urine. Alas, it was not meant to be. He does seem pretty miserable at the end, though, so I guess that will have to do.

The Blind Side



Great, great, super great. Loved it. I laughed, I cried...not much else to say.

Sherlock Holmes



Oh, Jude Law. Why must you be so attractive?

Invictus



I thought this was a lovely movie. It was a bit slow at times, and I must admit that I snoozed a little here and there. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the parts I did see, and I thought Matt Damon did a superb job with a really tough accent. So believable. And Morgan Freeman? Amazing. Unfortunately, I don't give a poop about any sports besides baseball and ladies gymnastics, so the rugby scenes didn't really do much for me. My friend Carrie informs me that they were thrilling, however, so there you go.

Next on my list to see: Up in the Air. Another freaking George Clooney movie. Gag. But it's getting all sorts of award-season buzz, so I gotta see it.

That's it for now, loyal readers! Stay tuned for my Oscar pic predictions!