I remember one particular trip to the grocery store back in my college days. For some reason unknown to me still, I purchased a tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." Maybe because it was cheaper? Who knows. Anyway, when I got home, I was looking over the receipt and I noticed that the fake butter product rang up as "Not Butter...$1.79." I thought that was hilarious. "I don't know what cost me $1.79 at the grocery store, but I know it wasn't butter!" Years later, I realize that the cash register was trying to send me a message. "Hey! Stupid college student! Call mommy and daddy and ask them to send you $3 so you can purchase some real freaking butter, because that crap you just bought is vile."
I love butter. One of my friends (can she even be called that anymore?) just confessed that she prefers margarine to butter. I refuse to accept this. I keep telling myself that I heard her incorrectly, because I can't even begin to fathom a world in which butter takes a back seat to margarine. Margarine is a butter substitute, and we all know how we feel about substitutes. You don't even show up to class when there's a substitute. Substitutes get spitballs thrown at them.
I mean, come on! Do I have to make a list? Honey butter, herb butter, butter pecan, butter rum, butterscotch, buttercream, butter cookies. "Hey, kids! Who wants a margarine cookie?" Answer: Nobody. Because that's disgusting.
Other substances wish they were butter. Cocoa butter. Shea butter. Peanut butter. Butterball turkeys. Butternut squash. Butter lettuce. Butter beans. Those last few really get me hot under the collar. Freakin' vegetables.
And butter is so cool, it's even got its own knife. What other spread can say that?
Our pioneer forebearers churned cream for hours to get butter. Why? Because it's freaking WORTH IT, that's why. If the end result were margarine, they would have been like, "Screw this. I'm going to go plow a field."
So bring it on! Bring on the 7 grams of saturated fat per serving! Bring on the heart disease! I just know I'm going to be in a hospital bed one day, lying next to Paula Deen, both of us waiting for a heart transplant. And you know what? I'm going to give her my place in line, so that she can continue her life's work of raising butter awareness across the land. God bless you, Paula Deen. You are an inspiration to us all.
11 comments:
Was that where the anonymous tub of fake butter came from? That thing was in our fridge for ages, if I remember correctly... I am frankly surprised that this post was so long in coming as well. When do we get to read one about cream?
I think that if you are going to blog about food items, you should include your favorite recipe using said item so we can all experience and enjoy it at home. Just a thought.
And to think, my dairy-allergic daughter has never had butter in her life. Sigh. Pray that she outgrows this.
Any good recipe starts the same: "Take a stick of butter, put it in a pan, and melt it."
Hope you don't mind me commenting here...since I am virtually a stranger...we did meet once (or twice?)...I'm Amy's SIL...and I found your blog after reading your post on hers...a comment I very much appreciated you making, BTW...
BUT really I'm commenting now because I love your blog! Your sense of humor, and love of pastry has got me hooked!
And we have a joke about butter in our house...ever see the comercial about "the buttertons?"...with a HUGE stick of butter in each of their baked spuds? That's totally us! We're the buttertons and proud of it!
I KNOW! I TOTALLY judge margarine eaters. WHY??!! I have a friend who says she "prefers" margarine (which really just doesn't fly with me--are you just trying to be different? Get a tattoo). She has maybe the only legitimate reason there is, though. Her mom used to make her churn their own butter.
But still.
For the past decade (at least), our family has been divided between those who prefer "cow squeezins" (butter) or "vegetable squeezins" (the yellow death). Unbelievably enough, I do have relatives who say that they prefer vegetable squeezins. I have no idea where they came from, but I think they left their taste buds wherever that was.
I was searching for a zucchini bread recipe on foodnetwork.com today. I picked one by Paula Dean in honor of this post...
It was (not surprisingly) scrumptious...with a really chewy crust, which is pretty much my favorite part of zucchini bread.
Randi, oh it's so good to hear your humor through your post about BUTTER. You make me laugh! I'm with you girl. My hubby really likes "Country Crock" and we have a massive tub of it in the refrigerator at the moment (from BJ's). It will still be here in 5 years, I'm sure. Gross. I LOVE butter. As I get older I love it even more. I remember my mom putting large chunks of it on her bread & thinking, "gross...how fattening." Now that I'm a bit plump myself, I just say, "Bring it on!"
So, I ran into Alicia & Scott & their 2 beautiful kiddos in Woodstock, VERMONT! Can you imagine? It was so cool. They told me to link to your blog too & so now you've been discovered. I am way impressed with your fancy job ---- will you make me a yummy dessert filled with butter please?
Since you are probably wondering who "SWEENEY HOUSEHOLD" is, it's Jenifer (FISHER) Sweeney. :) If you check out my blog you'll mostly see pictures of our kids. I'd love to catch up....
Remember when you told me you will call your firstborn child Butter? I think that should be an addendum to this post. Fitting, dontcha think?
Confession: Country Crock is in our fridge right now. Brian bought it. But I bought the three pounds of Tillamook lightly-salted butter in the drawer.
loved seeing you, Randilish. Come to ID sooooon. please.
Buns of frozen I Can't Believe its Not Butter?
this post? pure plate of butteryawesomeness! ;)
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