It's happening, dear readers: the Archie Bunkerization of Randi Johansen. The older I get, the more crotchety I become. The more I enjoy watching the news. The more fiber my diet requires. The less tolerance I have for the riffraff in my neighborhood (and by riffraff I mean the 6-to-10-year-olds with their wheelie shoes and their bubble gum and their school fundraisers).
I try to reign it in, truly I do, but it's a constant battle. My internal filter is more this:
than this:
But my readership has spoken. You seem to like it when I lose my sh**. Many of you wanted to hear my irony tirade. Others were disappointed I didn't divulge details of the three political Facebook fights I got into last year. You want to drink from the fire hose? Fine. Here is a list of stuff that has been bothering me lately, in no particular order:
*That "ironic" thing. It doesn't mean coincidentally, interestingly, shockingly, strangely, or even unexpectedly, even though Merriam Webster describes irony as an "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result." Two women who show up to a party wearing the same gown is a coincidence. The fact that the woman who won the Oscar for makeup and hair design last night looked like a homeless meth addict was ironic. One would expect a beauty expert to be a little more put together.
*I hate it when people post cryptic things on Facebook, trying to bait their friends into asking follow-up questions. ("The craziest thing happened to me today!" or "Why me?") I once received a text message from someone that just said "Holy crap!" I waited for a follow up text, but my wait was in vain. Someone else sent me a text that just said "Hey." Listen. It's obvious you want to tell me something, so how about you stop wasting my time and either SPIT IT OUT OR KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, OK?
*On a more serious note, this whole Boy Scouts vs. The Gays thing makes me sad, and it makes me sad that the Mormons are involved. The church leadership in Utah has declined to comment until the Boy Scouts make a decision, but I truly hope that the church doesn't withdraw its support of the organization regardless of what that decision might be. For the life of me, I don't see what the big deal is with having an openly gay scoutmaster, or a gay kid who wants to go on some hikes and do some service projects. What do people think might happen? Gay scoutmasters are going to demand a few merit badges be added to the list? Show Tunes? Catwalking? Liza Minnelli Lore?
Maybe some of you have heard about a guy in my stake (a "stake" is a Mormon ecclesiastical unit, for the few non-Mormons who might be reading this) named Josh Weed. He's been getting a lot of press lately. He is a devout Mormon with a wife and three kids. He is also openly homosexual. His is an interesting story, and regardless of whether you think he is courageous or delusional, in the eyes of the Mormon Church, he is a member in good standing and entitled to all of the rights and privileges pertaining thereto. He is allowed access to the temple--the most sacred house of worship we Mormons have--yet he is barred from teaching a bunch of kids how to tie knots and build campfires? That doesn't make any sense.
Keeping my fingers crossed on this one.
*I hate places that don't have disabled access doors. It is so hard to open a big heavy door and grapple with my dad's clunky old wheelchair at the same time. I mean, thanks for the ramp, but how the devil am I supposed to get the dude inside the building without someone to hold the door for us? And why are those someones so hard to find? Why do people just stand there and watch me struggle instead of running over to help out? Grr. I almost lost my mind on our cruise. Every time we needed to use the elevator, we had to wait an eternity to get an empty one. ("Don't worry, able-bodied twenty-something hipsters. You stay on the elevator. I'll just wheel my dad up the stairs.")
OK, that's probably enough. I can feel my blood pressure rising. Of course, that could be due to the enormous donut monkey I have on my back these days.
Now I need to write a post about all of the things that make me happy--you know, to bring some balance into my life. I have a feeling it's going to be mostly about food. Stay tuned!
*That "ironic" thing. It doesn't mean coincidentally, interestingly, shockingly, strangely, or even unexpectedly, even though Merriam Webster describes irony as an "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result." Two women who show up to a party wearing the same gown is a coincidence. The fact that the woman who won the Oscar for makeup and hair design last night looked like a homeless meth addict was ironic. One would expect a beauty expert to be a little more put together.
*I hate it when people post cryptic things on Facebook, trying to bait their friends into asking follow-up questions. ("The craziest thing happened to me today!" or "Why me?") I once received a text message from someone that just said "Holy crap!" I waited for a follow up text, but my wait was in vain. Someone else sent me a text that just said "Hey." Listen. It's obvious you want to tell me something, so how about you stop wasting my time and either SPIT IT OUT OR KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, OK?
*On a more serious note, this whole Boy Scouts vs. The Gays thing makes me sad, and it makes me sad that the Mormons are involved. The church leadership in Utah has declined to comment until the Boy Scouts make a decision, but I truly hope that the church doesn't withdraw its support of the organization regardless of what that decision might be. For the life of me, I don't see what the big deal is with having an openly gay scoutmaster, or a gay kid who wants to go on some hikes and do some service projects. What do people think might happen? Gay scoutmasters are going to demand a few merit badges be added to the list? Show Tunes? Catwalking? Liza Minnelli Lore?
Maybe some of you have heard about a guy in my stake (a "stake" is a Mormon ecclesiastical unit, for the few non-Mormons who might be reading this) named Josh Weed. He's been getting a lot of press lately. He is a devout Mormon with a wife and three kids. He is also openly homosexual. His is an interesting story, and regardless of whether you think he is courageous or delusional, in the eyes of the Mormon Church, he is a member in good standing and entitled to all of the rights and privileges pertaining thereto. He is allowed access to the temple--the most sacred house of worship we Mormons have--yet he is barred from teaching a bunch of kids how to tie knots and build campfires? That doesn't make any sense.
Keeping my fingers crossed on this one.
*I hate places that don't have disabled access doors. It is so hard to open a big heavy door and grapple with my dad's clunky old wheelchair at the same time. I mean, thanks for the ramp, but how the devil am I supposed to get the dude inside the building without someone to hold the door for us? And why are those someones so hard to find? Why do people just stand there and watch me struggle instead of running over to help out? Grr. I almost lost my mind on our cruise. Every time we needed to use the elevator, we had to wait an eternity to get an empty one. ("Don't worry, able-bodied twenty-something hipsters. You stay on the elevator. I'll just wheel my dad up the stairs.")
OK, that's probably enough. I can feel my blood pressure rising. Of course, that could be due to the enormous donut monkey I have on my back these days.
Now I need to write a post about all of the things that make me happy--you know, to bring some balance into my life. I have a feeling it's going to be mostly about food. Stay tuned!
7 comments:
So I missed your post about the Oscars this year! I even watched the whole thing last night! Was Ben Affleck high when he did his acceptance speech or irritated he didn't get to speak first? Anne Hathaway was the most deserving of the night, and I'm not sure why anyone in the Best Actor category aside from Daniel Day Lewis bothered to show up.
And, I will chime in on the Boy Scout issue. It won't surprise me if the church withdraws its support if the Boy Scouts allow openly gay leaders. And I totally see your point about the married gay guy with three kids being able to go to the temple, but the difference between him and any other potential openly gay boy scout leader is I think the church would either have to determine which homosexual leaders are practicing homosexuals, or homosexuals who know they are homosexual and are not acting on their nature. Obviously the homosexual man married to the woman with the kids and attending the temple isn't acting on his nature, though he acknowledges it. So, I think that's the difference there. Am I way off point there?
Jeni darling! I was planning on doing an Oscars post, but I am trying to do the no-rated-R thing, which basically means I could only see Lincoln and Les Mis. Bummer. I felt like I couldn't speak with much authority this year. But I agree with your DDL assessment. The man is flawless. And poor Ben Affleck. He must feel so vindicated. I'm happy for him. I'm afraid you and I might disagree about Anne Hathaway. I hate her freaking guts, and I think she deserves to be publicly flogged for her Les Mis performance and not celebrated for it. But we can discuss this later, next month, in person, after the children have gone to bed and can't hear my colorful expressions of disgust. :)
And I will be devastated if the church comes down against the gay scouts. It's a non-issue for the church, as I see it, because the church hand-picks its scoutmasters from within its own membership. No actively practicing gay person will be given that calling--or any calling, for that matter--if they don't pledge to remain celibate.
This is where it gets tricky for the church, because this is NOT a church doctrine issue like same-sex marriage is. We're not talking about the sacred covenant of marriage here (which is another discussion for another day). This is the very NON sacred world of Pinewood Derby and snipe hunting and peeing on campfires. Gay scoutmasters are not going to be discussing the intimate details of their sex life with the Webelos. They're going to teach kids the proper way to fold a flag, how to tie knots, etc. There's already a theater merit badge, for crying out loud! We NEED the gays! :)
Mormons will never have to worry about an actively gay scoutmaster within the church, because they would never call one to the position. And if the church is going to be bothered that there may be actively gay leaders in OTHER troops, then the church is going to have to ask itself some other questions, like: How do we feel about a gay kindergarten teacher? A gay guidance counselor? A gay child psychologist? A gay doctor in a pediatric unit?
I don't know. That's just the way I see it.
I have never seen Les Mis before the movie, so maybe that's why I liked Anne Hathaway's performance. :) And I freaking hate Amanda Seyfried...in ANY movie she is in. Hate her. Have no real reason too, just do!
And okay, I get it now. Since the bishopric calls scout leaders, you are right, there will never be a gay scoutmaster in a LDS organized troop. I guess the issue is then whether or not to be affiliated with an organization that permits gay leaders in other troops. The church doesn't host school or doctor appointments in their buildings, though, the way they host the Boy Scout program in their chapels, so I'm not sure that's the best argument. And please do not mistake me for a raging homophobe, which I am certainly not. I am purely playing devil's advocate here.
Oh, I totally forgot about Amanda Seyfried! I am right there with you--she is THE WORST. And she was AWFUL in Les Mis. Did you hear her voice? She sounds exactly like Snow White with that horrible shrill warble of hers! Just horrifying!
From what I see, the church is trying to reach out to our homosexual brothers and sisters (eg. the new "mormonsandgays.org" website, and how the church stood with the gay community in 2009 when there were some anti-gay housing proposals up for debate) so I don't understand why we wouldn't stand with them on the scouting issue. I feel like the kindergarten teacher, psychologist, doctor example is appropriate because the question really is: how comfortable are we with the idea of homosexuals in leadership roles interacting with our children? We won't allow it at church among our own children, but how far into the community at large do we take our crusade?
It is surprising and disappointing to me that the church affiliates with an organization that takes a stronger stand against homosexuality than the church itself takes. If my friend Josh Weed (whom I've never met) gets called to be a scoutmaster, the Boy Scouts would be within their rights to call up the Bishop and say "No way. Get him out of there." I just don't get it!
And dear Jeni, I know you! I know you're not a homophobe. And I appreciate you playing devil's advocate, because I truly do want to understand the other side of this argument. I haven't heard an answer from anyone that satisfies me yet, but I hope the dialogue continues.
Love hearing some good ol' Randi rants. I'm right with you on the scouting issue. I don't think the church will pull away from the scouting program if they decide to allow gays. It would be more damaging if they did.
Also, loved your Oscars comment. I thought the same thing when I watched it.
Love hearing some good ol' Randi rants. I'm right with you on the scouting issue. I don't think the church will pull away from the scouting program if they decide to allow gays. It would be more damaging if they did.
Also, loved your Oscars comment. I thought the same thing when I watched it.
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